Average eight hundred gross profit times twenty-five equals twenty grand minus the twenty-five per cent they estimate for salesmen’s compensation both salary and incentives leaves fifteen grand minus between eight and ten for other salaries those cute little cunts come and go in billing one called Cissy a Polack a few years ago they got as far as rubbing fannies easing by in that corridor and the rent that Springer Motors pays itself old man Springer didn’t believe in owning anything the banks could own but even he had to pay off the mortgage eventually boy the rates now must kill anybody starting up and the financing double-digit interest Brewer Trust been doing it for years and against the twelve per cent you got to figure the two or three per cent that comes back as loss reserves nobody likes to call it kick-back and the IRS calls it taxable earnings and the upkeep the electricity that Sun 2001 Diagnostic Computer Manny wants would use a lot of juice and the power tools they can’t even turn a nut on a wheel anymore it has to be pneumatic rrrrrrt and the heat thank God a few months reprieve from that the fucking Arabs are killing us and the men won’t wear sweaters under the coveralls the young mechanics are the worst they say they lose feeling in their fingertips and health insurance there’s another killer up and up the hospitals keeping people alive that are really dead like some game they playing at Medicaid’s expense and the advertising he often wonders how much good it does a rule of thumb he read somewhere is one and a half per cent of gross sales but if you look at the Auto Sales page of the Sunday paper you never saw such a jumble just the quiet listing of the prices and shadow of the dealer like old man Springer said the man he gets known at Rotary and in the downtown restaurants and the country club really he should be allowed to take all that off as business expenses the four seventy-five a week he pays himself doesn’t take into account the suits to make himself presentable he has to buy three or four a year and not at Kroll’s anymore he doesn’t like that salesman who measured his fat waist Webb Murkett knows of a little shop on Pine Street that’s as good as hand tailoring and then the property taxes and the kids keep throwing stones or shooting BBs at the glass signs outside we ought to go back to wood grouted wood but national Toyota has its specifications, where was he, let’s say nine total monthly expenses variable and invariable that leaves four net profit and deduct another thousand from that for inflation and pilferage and the unpredictable that’s always there you still have three, fifteen hundred for Ma Springer and fifteen hundred for Janice and him plus the two thousand salary when his poor dead dad used to go off to the print shop at quarter after seven every morning for forty dollars a week and that wasn’t considered bad money then.
THE WEST WING ‘THE MIDTERMS’
WRITTEN BY: AARON SORKIN
DIRECTED BY: ALEX GRAVES
JOSH [VO] (on speaker phone) It’s called the Theory of Everything.
FADE IN: INT. C.J.’S OFFICE – DAY
C.J. is in her office picking up and putting down various pieces of paper and files, while speaking on the phone with Josh.
C.J. The Theory of Everything?
JOSH (VO) Yes.
C.J. Is it comprehensive?
JOSH (VO) C.J….
C.J. sits down at her desk rummaging through her files.
C.J. That was a joke there, pal-o-mine.
JOSH (VO) I want you to lead with this.
C.J. Carol, I’m missing the OMB stats.
Carol is popping in and out of C.J.’s office handing her different files.
CAROL They’re coming.
JOSH (VO) C.J. I want you to lead with this.
C.J. I’m not gonna lead with it.
CUT TO INT. JOSH’S HOSPITAL ROOM – CONTINUOUS
Josh is lying in a bed.
JOSH Yes, you are.
C.J. (VO) Okay.
JOSH So, you got it?
C.J. Sure.
JOSH I mean, you got what you’re suppose to say.
C.J. (VO) Carol, also the EPA?
CAROL Committee won’t be out ’til 3:00.
JOSH (VO) C.J. say it for me.
C.J. He’s making me crazy.
JOSH (VO) You know I heard that.
C.J. (VO) Yeah, I understand how a speakerphone works.
JOSH Say it for me.
C.J. Joshua, I really have to get to the briefing room.
She starts to put on her jacket.
JOSH Say it please.
C.J. Psychics at Cal Tech and the FERMI National Accelerator Lab are close to announcing what…
JOSH Physicists! Theoretical physicists at Cal Tech…
C.J. Not psychics?
JOSH (VO) No.
C.J. I should jot that down.
JOSH Please.
C.J. I tell you if it was psychics I’d lead with it.
C.J. gets up to leave.
C.J. Talk to you later mi amor.
She heads out the door.
JOSH (VO) I don’t think you understand how important this is…
He continues to ramble but there’s no one in C.J.’s office.
CAROL The OMB Stats.
She hands C.J. some papers.
C.J. Thank you. You can set ’em down and let JOSH rant a little before you hang up the phone.
CAROL Sure.
C.J. walks through JOSH’S BULLPEN AREA and runs into Toby and they start pedeconferencing down the hall.
C.J. Yes, ma’am.
TOBY The Bureau of Labor Statistics is going to report that the CPI jump 0.7%…
C.J. Okay…
TOBY …is the biggest one month increase since the Bureau began tracking prices in ’52.
C.J. All right, let me say this, the market basket used to calculate the CPI is antiquated.
TOBY Say outdated.
C.J. And doesn’t include some regular house hold items…
TOBY Yes.
C.J. …like computers…
TOBY The prices are always dropping…
C.J. Yes.
TOBY …and doesn’t reflect significant technical improvements like airbags in automobiles, which increase the price of the car very slightly, but provide a much greater value to the consumer. You got all that?
C.J. Let’s find out.
Toby walks off in another direction and Leo meets up with C.J.
C.J. Leopold.
LEO Mention the HUD secretary is announcing changes in the underwriting criteria for the Federal Housing Administration.
C.J. Well, the network’s gonna want to break in with special coverage for that.
Leo isn’t amused.
LEO The adjustments are in FHA related lending.
C.J. Seriously, they’re going to need time to put together a logo and theme music.
LEO You know the Bureau of Labor Statistics reported…
C.J. Reported the CPI jumped by 0.7%.
LEO Thank you.
They both enter THE COMMUNICATIONS OFFICE and Leo leaves, only to be replaced by Sam. Sam catches up as they head for the Press Room.
C.J. Oh, Holy Interruptus, Batman!
SAM Grant Samuels died.
C.J. Really?
SAM Yes.
C.J. He’s really dead this time?
SAM Yeah.
C.J. Cause last time you told me he was dead and he wasn’t.
SAM He’s dead this time.
C.J. Somebody poked him a little to see…
SAM He died, C.J.!
C.J. Well, okay, then I shouldn’t have made a joke.
SAM I’m almost certain he’s dead.
C.J. Sam!
SAM I was making a joke, too! What, you work alone?
C.J. Give me some…
SAM He’s survived by his wife, Eileen, his son, Robert, his two daughters, Priscilla and Patty, and eight grandchildren.
C.J. I’m not going to learn their names.
SAM Uh…that’s fine.
C.J. Eileen, Robert, Priscilla, Patty, and eight grandchildren. And I’m assuming it was complications due to…
She gives Sam a knowing look.
SAM Uh… yeah.
C.J. You know anything about Theoretical Physics?
SAM Ah… The Grand Unified Theory.
C.J. You know anything about it?
SAM No.
C.J. Okay.
Sam takes off. C.J. continues toward THE PRESS ROOM.
CAROL (OS) Folks, please take your seats. The briefing will start now.
C.J. hears this, rushes in and takes the podium.
C.J. Good morning everybody. I have to start with a sad announcement. Congressman Grant Samuels finally succumbed to pneumonia last night. His wife, Eileen, his son, Robert, his daughters, Priscilla and Patty, and his eight grandchildren are all in the President’s thoughts today. I also want to talk this morning about the Bureau of Labor Statistics and the Federal Housing Administration.
The camera moves from C.J. to a set of monitors against the wall and it switches to a TV set in JOSH’S HOSPITAL ROOM, where Josh is lying in bed watching C.J.’s briefing.
C.J. And as a special treat for our friend, Josh Lyman, who’s recovering very nicely at G.W, the President’s science advisor is telling us that psychics at Cal Tech and the Fermi National Accelerator Lab…..
Josh begins banging the back of his head against the headboard.
C.J. (OS) You know what? I’m pretty sure that was supposed to be physicists.
SMASH CUT TO: MAIN TITLES.